Sep 14, 2009

The voice of God

In the Falafel religious tradition we have a saying: you can love God or be angry with him but you cannot ignore him. God is such an imminent part of the Falafel religion that even the most secular Falafelers relate to God somehow, even if it means arguing his existence or questioning his morals, they still cannot ignore the Falafel God.

The Falalfel religion is an ancient beautiful tradition that brought the idea of monotheism into the world and even the Fouler's Koran and the Pizza-Pasta-Cola's New Testament respect the Falafel bible.

Another ancient saying claims that wherever there is one pack of Hummus there'll be a hundred different balls of Falafel. It seems that no one understands God in the same way, thus we have Reform Falafelers, Renewal Falafelers, Conservative Falafelers, Merely traditional Falafelers, and a dozen kinds of Orthodox Falafelers that could be identified solely by the form of their big hats and the quality of the strips on their black galabias….

We even have extremely weird orthodox Falafelers that believe falafeland was founded prematurely and we should have waited to the end of time by the bible prophecies when the God of Falafel himself will come and say it's ok to go to the promised Falafeland now. Meanwhile, they perceive the country of Falafeland as a huge mistake and they hang out with Ahmedinijad ploting ways to destroy it. We call them "self hating Falafelers". But don't be mistaken, it's not like they love foul so much, they're just waiting for the end of times to hear the voice of God and THAN they will found the same Falafeland anyway.

The real problem is that God doesn't raise his voice anymore. In the Falafel ancient scribes called "Talmud" we have a famous story about a problem that had to be sorted out by the Falafel Rabbis (which are like Kadi or Sheikh – they too have beards!) to decide if a certain stove was kosher or not. The Rabbis examined it and decided it wasn't but than a voice of God came outta the sky and said it actually is ok. But instead of listening to God, my friends, the Falafel Rabbis said that since the falafel tradition is a written tradition now, we do not listen to the voices anymore and it is the Rabbis who will represent and perform God's will and they say the stove isn't kosher and that's that.

This amazing story, my friends, comes to show you how all of us lost the voice of God and instead we got to believe some bearded guys who claim to speak for him. In Falafeland those bearded guys have done a lot of damage to our beautiful tradition and didn't have very sane interpretations of it. 20 years ago, everyone would marry in a religious falafel marriage, but today every 4th couple in Falafeland marries alternatively trying to stay away from the bearded guys who monopolized God but seem to keep drifting apart from the way of God.

It is our bearded guys and your bearded guys, my friends, which took us all astray. What choice do we have, since today God doesn’t speak from the skies anymore and if you claim to hear him they will put you in a mental hospital…. But here' a secret: I think we can all still hear the real voice of God that speaks to each and every one of us in our hearts and views us all as his sons and daughters. That real God doesn’t mind if he's called Allah or Jehovah or "hey, aren't you the father of that cute guy from Nazareth, what's his name, Jesus something?"…

And if you want to know God's will just look at the world around you, it probably looks exactly like God wants it to be otherwise it would be different, hehehe, makes sense right? so God wants both bearded people and secular people and falafel people and foul people….we all amuse him equally, I guess.

So eat some Falafel.

Ms. Falafel.

Sep 13, 2009

Gods willing!!!

So many people tried to understand the mentality of the people whom eat foul (FOULers) few succeeded in this mission and lots failed even to get a glimpse… and this is because they neglect the god’s Factor.
Let’s take it from the start, the first aspect to understand the mentality of the FOULers is the religion, whether we are talking about Muslims, Christians or Even Bahaies, all of them do believe that there is a universal plan that have been planned by god and they are just playing their roles in this plan, and according to this madness they tend to do so many activities that simply can drive you crazy while they are smiling.
The first result of this belief is that there is a small sentence that FOULer use which is God Willing, this short phrase is not only a couple of words, it is a whole cultural, sometimes it means YES and some other times it means NO, you will never know… so who will know … I think you guessed it by now.
It is always god’s plan whether it is nations survival or in someone’s meeting appointment, it is always god’s plan at all levels, for example you ask someone “are we gonna meet tomorrow?” the typical answer you will get is “God Willing’ and if you are a punctual man you will get confused … “does he mean yes or he means no!!” and if you are a FOULer you will accept this answer and you probably will say : Ok, let’s see”
As another result of this belief you find FOULers are always in a hurry, and always late, again it is god’s plan we are talking about.
The worst case scenario is when god becomes your business partner, his word is always higher than your even that you sign those employees their pay checks, so you are here in a stuff meeting and you are asking your Sales manager … I want to raise the sales target from X to Y .. what do you think about that? … the answer you will take is God’s willing… what?!! god didn’t do the Strategic planning and I am asking you.. I am not praying over here… it just drives you crazy.
Even with the Government, if you can notice that the Government in FOUL land does not announce their plans until they are already executed, it is just that simple. Who can knows how god thinks.
In the land of FOUL they depend on God in every little thing and they misunderstand god’s Role, they do not understand that we are the ones who put the plans and we are the ones who success or fail and god have nothing to do with it …. It is just our imagination.
Eat Foul

Sep 10, 2009

Hello you fools & FOULers

I come from the wholly land of falafel, I live in the vibrant hummus city of Falaviv and I hope to debunk some of your myths about my country and my people. 10 years ago I visited your FOULand and as I was chewing on my Taamiya in Foulgada, this waiter comes up to me and asks carefully: "tell me something, why do you FALAFELers hate FOULers?" I almost chocked outta shock and asked him where did he get that stupid idea. His answer was of course newspapers. So the first thing I want to ask you is not to trust your media or any other media for that matter. Thank Allah we have the internet and we can talk directly now, from the people to the people. So rest assure, we love you FOULers. Worst case scenario, we have absolutely nothing against you. We love your food, we love your heritage, we love your movies! Hey, did you know that FOULers movies show on FALAFELers television every Friday afternoon and back when we had only one channel before the cable era, the FOULers movie of Friday afternoon had enormous rating and was a family tradition? Mishmauul??? Mishmumkin??? You betcha, FOULers. There's much more you don't know about us, and I hope that in a few months from now you'll already doubt your notion that your neighbors are that different from you.
After all, from the perspective of tsunamis earthquakes, aliens and swine-flu viruses, we're all the same species, the only difference lies in the stories we believe in and even those stories are not so different here in the Middle East.

Till next time, enjoy your taamyia.

Ms. Falafel.

Between Foul and Falafel

This is an ongoing story about two nations, the nation of the people whom eat foul and the nation of the people whom eat falafel , actually both eat foul and falafel but with different ingredients, these two nations hates each other just because one eats foul from beans and the other eats foul from Homos, and it is getting ridicules.
It is ridicules because both are religious in a way, both circumcising their children and both believe they are the best in terms of sex all around the world.
This is a story of two nations whom believe they are the victims of a world conspiracy while the world is watching their acts and laugh.
This is an ongoing story of two nations whom can love, hate, live, die and pray … this is the story of the nation of the people whom eat foul and the nation of the people whom eat Falafel.
Let’s read and have some fun!!!
Eat Foul